By: K. B. Napier

Everyone has a breaking point. I don’t care how tough people think they are – sometimes the only thing between them and snapping is a thin length of elastic. But, given the right circumstances, that elastic will break – often with disastrous results. That’s because one’s life has been stretched to the limit and once the breaking point is reached, there is simply no more stretch to take up the slack.  When this point is reached, the situation seems intolerable to the one going through it and there appears to be no option but to ‘break down’.

Often, from what I have observed over the years, this problem, in the case of Christians, is partly due to faulty or bad teaching by pastors, or ‘counselling’ by people not called to give Biblical counsel (see article on ‘Biblical Counsel’).  The Christian’s own relative state is also important. For example, if the Christian is very young in the faith and has no-one to turn to, and very little Bible knowledge or experience, then such an option might seem feasible. Also, it depends, too, on whether or not the Christian is living as he or she ought to live. Added to this can be the very real problem of physical condition…if a Christian is ‘run down’ by this or that illness or condition, then a ‘breakdown’ is likely to occur more quickly.

Really, there can be many predisposing factors involved, and no Christian should judge another if he fails to give all to God and ‘breaks down’. ‘Breaking down’ is like any other sin. Therefore, the true response of one who counsels is to simply befriend the one breaking down, but also to gently counsel from God’s word – not by throwing texts at him or her, but by speaking softly of God’s love and guidance in all circumstances. This often involves time and energy, and maybe even a kind gesture, such as minding the children, or giving cash to alleviate a financial problem. But, the main thing is friendship.

This friendship, however must be rooted in brotherly love, not in human companionship. This means that the one helping must be a friend, but must also make sure that the one breaking down knows God’s word on the matter. This is not judgemental, but proper, because ‘breaking down’ (that is, that long process known as neuroses, and usually, psychoses) is a sin. And, we may not be judgemental, because every one of us experiences some degree of ‘breaking down’ in our lives.

After the initial ‘shock’ that produces the ‘breakdown’ the one helping must guide the person toward a Biblical response, which leads him or her to repentance and reliance on God alone, not on emotions or on the circumstances. Otherwise, the person will remain in suffering and not know God’s goodness and mercy. It is only if that person rejects this guidance consistently, that the one giving counsel must step back and simply leave the person alone. Pray for him or her, yes – but the close association must be put aside until there is repentance and a turning back to God. It is this matter of repentance and obedience that is not found in psychiatry or humanistic psychology, that prevents Christians from seeking help from those sources. Once they go to the world for help, they only get worldly advice and spiritual life starts to suffer.

Let me put it this way…most people have an ‘escape mechanism’ they use when they are under excessive stress. Some might eat chocolate. Some will take a long bath. Some will go for a long walk. Some will throw things about in an empty room. Even keeping fit can be such a mechanism.

There are other fruitless mechanisms. Such as depression*, sleeping for long periods, going off to be alone for days on end, throwing ones’ self in to work or some activity that takes a long time and great effort. There are thousands of escape mechanisms. (* Most Christians believe that depression is normal and acceptable. This, however, is not the case. See Appendix 1 for a more detailed explanation).

It might seem okay to do these things. But, by using escape mechanisms we are not dealing with the real problem, which is internal. What we are doing is building a massive edifice on the outside, with a hollow core on the inside. The taller we build our defence (or, what we think is our defence) the more likely it will be to fall. And the bigger the defence the bigger will be the fall when it comes. This is because our defence is paper-thin and of no substance.

Some try to combat this by doing meditation. Some by seeing an external ‘authority’ such as a professional counsellor, psychotherapist, or psychiatrist. Some try to do it by reading scripture. Many of the activities we undertake to combat great stress are, in themselves, good and proper. But, when we rely on them to keep us sane and happy, we are already on to a loser.

It should be said that one of the best aids to maintaining a better lifestyle is exercise. This allows us to use up our energies in a way that is positive. It makes us healthier, and it also removes many toxins, some of which actually make depressive episodes worse. But, exercise can also be overdone. When this occurs, it might be because we are using it as a prop, something to suppress our emotions. When this happens, we are using an escape mechanism and the exercise will not alter our inward responses to stress. We simply become healthier neurotics!

Sadly, many Christians who suffer from stress, suffer not because of this or that external problem, but because they are living life without relying on God, so they enter in to sin daily, then complain because they feel stressed!

Sin always causes stress, a stress that we can well do without, and which is unnecessary. Many stresses are outside our control, but sin is directly under our personal control. A classic example of self-induced stress is when a man or woman enters in to an adulterous relationship and say : “I couldn’t help falling in love – it just happened”. This is absolute rubbish. At every step in the development of the relationship, from the first lingering look, both adults could turn away and repent. But, preferring their sin, they allow the process to continue. Then they become depressed and anxious, lie and cheat, to get their own way. That is why they are then ‘stressed’! (For more examples of self-induced stress factors, see Appendix 2)

We need to get to the position where each of us stands alone before God, with no human supports of any kind. We must be strong alone. If we are not, then the enemy will slowly find his way toward us, getting through our various defences. Indeed, once Satan knows what we are using as our defence, he will expertly dismantle it, bit by bit, or he can use it against us! Yes, we must have close communion with other believers, but we must not use them as our ‘crutch’. If we are strong only when we are with other people, then we are just as prone to fall as anyone else, once the crowd disappears.

When we experience the first pangs of over-stress we may ask friends to support us in prayer and possibly in other ways. But this must be a temporary and brief thing experienced immediately after the shock we have just encountered.  When we have ‘found our feet’ – which should not take long – we must then drop the use of friends as our only support and seek God’s support. Only when this has been affected should we then get back to our friends, to be our ‘secondary’ support. Not to do this is to speedily fall in to the trap of emotional crutches to bolster-up a weak and sinful response.

If the ‘shock’ has been brought about by our own sin, our very first task must be to acknowledge we have done wrong in God’s eyes, repent, and turn away from the sin we have executed. We must also seek forgiveness of those we have affected, if this is appropriate. After this, there should really be no room for extra stress or depression.

How, then, do we become strong inwardly? It is not done by reading scripture, or meditating on His word, or praying. These are all things we must do as a part of our everyday Christian lives, but they are not magical charms, warding off what harms us. Yes, we must pray, because that is how we communicate with God, and He with us. We must read scripture, because that is how we gain in doctrinal knowledge. We must meditate on His word, because that is how we understand doctrine, and so on. But these will not give us that inner strength we need.

It must be said that some lovely Christians can be overwhelmed at times by circumstances so dire that they cannot live as they wish. These are usually ‘big’ things such as adultery of a wife or husband, sudden loss of home and income, the death of a much loved person, and so on. To feel sudden grief at these times of real and immense stress is understandable. However, the sudden inability to cope with the stresses brought about by one or more for these ‘big’ reasons is not, in reality, outside our control. An initial loss of control can be understood, because we have not yet regrouped our senses and thoughts, but, after that, we should regain control very quickly or suffer the consequences.

After a short while, if our feelings continue to be led by the stress, we will then enter in to a state that is less than good. Satan is always ready to bring us down, and he will watch for signs of our cracking under the strain. Then he will get in there and make matters worse, maybe by using depression, or even suicide. His ploys are many, and they catch out thousands.

If we do ‘crack’ it is a sure sign that God is not at the centre of our lives. This can happen to any one of us, from the best to the worst. Obviously, this is easier said than done! But that is not the issue. The issue is how to avoid cracking under stress. If we have any predisposing factor in our lives – sin – then we must get rid of it even before any stresses arise. If we allow them to stay, they fester like cancer and make us spiritually and emotionally weak.  Then, when stresses come, we ‘lose the plot’.

Note how David ‘cracked’ temporarily, when he banged on the door of the Philistine city, seeking refuge from his hunter, Saul. He realised he had made a mistake and then pretended to be mad, so that the gatekeepers and the king sent him away again. This was humiliating to David, for he was normally a very strong man…but he had allowed his fear to build up inside until he made his foolish attempt at finding refuge amongst his enemies. His fear was not caused by Saul’s constant chase after him. It was caused by David temporarily looking away from God, his Strength and Shield. That is when he ‘lost the plot’.

This has nothing to do with being ‘strong’ in ourselves. It is to do with having the strength of the Lord within. We cannot face life in our own strength, because it is faulty and of very finite power. Divine strength is very different from our own, for it is limitless and of God. Our own strength is eroded constantly by our sin and by looking away from God.

Nor is a ‘strong personality’ of much use. Often, it is the supposedly strong personality that crashes hardest. This is because the strength is human and is merely another defence mechanism. Even the toughest, trained, commando, will crack under the right stresses, as any war story can tell you. But the strength of God is above and beyond all human interference, so it cannot fail.

In times of poor response to stress in a Christian the worst thing a fellow Christian can do is to offer sympathy, for it tends to make matters far worse…the person you are sympathetic toward might feel cocooned and safe by your ‘help’, but he or she is then being hidden from the true source of help, the Lord God Almighty. His or her inner strength is being sapped away by a growing reliance on self and feelings, and by the help of others, which is, really, the response of unbelievers, not believers.

I can understand how a Christian gets to that point, but, as a pastor, I could not let the situation grow, without comment or scriptural help. If ever I am in a similar position, I sincerely hope others would approach me with the same priority, for my own sense of truth and feeling may be deficient.

What love is there in letting a fellow Believer slide down a wrong path, just to make him or her feel better, when, all along, it is a path not acceptable to God? Sympathy is feasible when a man or woman has just suffered a terrible shock.

But, then we should show useful empathy, whereby we then encourage the person to again take control and to seek God. Otherwise the longer we allow our fellow believer to slide down in a spiral of self, the less likely it is he or she will want to turn to God. There is a certain comfort in wallowing in self-pity and depression, for it means we do not have to be accountable or responsible for our actions.

Bear in mind that an initial loss of control does not mean we have no ability to regain it. It is wrong for any person to say, when he does not respond well to a stress, that he is ‘unable’ to do so. It is not his ability to regain responsibility that is lost, but his will-power to do so.

True inner strength comes from one thing alone – obedience, voluntarily, to God’s word. When we obey, God then gives us peace through the Holy Spirit, Who dwells with us actively and fully. When this happens, we begin to understand our true freedom in Christ, which sets us free from the very human responses to stresses that can so easily overcome us. They overcome us because we are not reliant only on God.

To rely only on God is to relax totally. When we relax in Him, it is because we fully trust Him (have faith). When we fully trust Him, we know that nothing can harm us. Yes, things occur every day and things ‘go wrong’ in life – but they cannot harm us as spiritual beings who have our existence in God!

When a Christian is in this marvellous state he is not perpetually bothered by external problems and will not need all those crutches, those escape mechanisms. Instead, he will simply say to God “Here is my problem. I haven’t got the strength on my own, please take over for me and give me assurance.” And He does. The trouble is, we tend to try to fix things humanly and only turn to God when the going gets rough. By that time, sadly, most of the damage is done and we are well on the way to becoming emotional wrecks.

So, friends, if you truly want peace of mind, read the above again and put it into action. Let the Lord take your response to stresses off you, for they add nothing to your life except a degeneration of trust in God. (The stresses themselves may remain as long as we live). You will become truly relaxed in Christ and you will be able to look down upon your problem and say “I wonder how God will deal with that!”  You will still need to work through the problem, but you will not be alone.

God will lead the way and you just follow in obedience – there is nothing more off-putting to onlookers than a Christian going to pieces. This shows everyone that faith is not worth much…if it does not give inner peace, then what’s the point of it all? See what I mean?

You cannot ‘get’ this inner peace on demand. You must pray to the Lord for it, for it is a gift. If your heart is toward Him, He will give you that gift. But if all you want is a temporary quick-fix, forget it! I know that many Christians have this problem, so we all now have a tremendous challenge! We either mean what we say about belonging to Christ, or it is all a sham. Which is it with YOU? Sort it out NOW before that elastic snaps with a resounding twang, and your whole life falls in to a real mess.

Your biggest enemy in all this is yourself, no matter how ‘Christian’ your life is in the main. If you are not willing to hand over your life fully to God, then you will not get the peace you sorely need, and which God gives to His children of obedience. Do not retain even a small part of your life as your own property – give it all to God…everything you are, everything you earn, everything you say, everything you think, everything you do. And make sure that everything in your life is worthy and praises God.

God bless you as you begin to think of handing over everything to God. Do not think you have plenty of time, for that extra stress that breaks your piece of elastic may be just around the corner! And don’t think you will be free of feelings. As humans we will continue to feel sadness and grief, but we will no longer be enslaved by them.

Those I know who have gone through great stresses and who have discovered how to hand it all over to God, are usually marked by their depth of wisdom and understanding, their ministry being strengthened by their inner peace.

But, those who have been crippled by stresses are also marked, by their emotionalism and refusal to face responsibility, and their overall weakness of soul. Those who make this a habit are useless to God and to others, as well as to themselves.

Some try to excuse themselves, by whining that they cannot help it. Or, that they were ‘born that way’. Or that they are ‘weak’. Friends, we are weak only when we reject God’s hand! We are weak only when we refuse to seek the freedom that is ours in Christ. We can get it by handing over our strengths and weaknesses to God, and asking Him to take over our whole lives. If we do not hand them over to God, then we effectively hand them over to Satan, who will use them to divert our hearts away from God and toward our sin and emotional self-indulgences.

The view we have nowadays of depression is given to us by psychiatry, a practice that has little to commend itself to the Christian. Its observances, like those of psychology, are quite interesting and informative, but neither can interpret what they see, Biblically. Even Christian practitioners tend to use secular approaches – not all, but the majority.

So, let us look at this category of ‘mental disturbance’ from a Christian stance…

 There are two major types of depression. One is known clinically as Reactive (neurotic) and the second is known as Endogenous (psychotic). There are other kinds, but they will not be mentioned here.

I should state that I am not a lover of psychiatry as a treatment regime. Having worked in psychiatry and used its methods, I know where it is coming from and reject its approach.

Reactive or neurotic depression is said to be temporary and reversible, which it is or, should be! It can occur after a trauma, but not automatically. It can also occur after or during certain physical illnesses. It can occur on its own, with no known causes. The symptoms are varied and, generally, not all appear at the same time. For example, bursting into tears, loss of sleep, lack of appetite, headaches, feeling ‘down’ all the time, wanting to hide away or sleep, and so on. Bear in mind that any neurosis secondarily affects everyone in the family, and friends.

Such symptoms are common after, say, the death of a loved one, or during the progress of a serious problem. Illnesses, such as, say, acute polyarthritis with severe pain and sudden loss of mobility etc., can result in a mild depression. There can be many kinds of ‘triggers’ and the symptoms are not unusual at such times.

But, the same symptoms can then become a neurosis, if they linger on beyond a normal length of time. For example, feeling down because you have lost your income is understandable (though not acceptable) for a short period, about, say, a month. But once it goes beyond that, it becomes a neurosis, which is not acceptable.

A neurosis is not an acceptable option for a Christian. Why not? Because a neurosis turns temporary reactions in to a lifestyle. We can all feel ‘down’ at times, but when these feelings take over and affect our lives, they are sinful. That is because they show a denial and rejection of God’s help. Scripture tells us that anxiety (the basis of depression) is a sin.

Even worse, someone who succumbs to ‘depression’ just once, finds it easier to succumb a second time, and more often as time wears on. The usual triggers then become general triggers, so that anything, at any time, can send the person into a downward spiral of self-indulgence. The symptoms then often spread out to embrace others, such as panic, agoraphobia, etc., and soon the real reasons for the ‘mental collapse’ are lost in the mists of time.

What are the real reasons? They are a refusal to accept one’s responsibility in life and to face up to reality. It is easier to throw aside these than to do something about the situation. That is why, when any threat or difficulty arises, the person will again turn inwards and become depressed. As I have said, for the Christian this is not an option. Indeed, it is a pathetic response to life that cannot continue. It also ruins relationships, especially within the family, as people try to tip-toe around the person who is ‘suffering’.

It gets even worse when the depressive stops going to work, or from simply getting up in the morning. Then there are financial penalties that can lose homes, jobs and money. But, many are quite happy (in their depressed way!) to accept state handouts instead, preferring depression to responsibility. I have come across many such folk who insist that it is not their fault, or that they do not wish to be that way. But they are lying to themselves, as I know from in-depth counselling sessions and psychological assessments. I also know this from the many who admit that they do not wish to take responsibility.

Christians who rely on their depression to get them out of life, are trying to get attention for themselves, in the form of sympathy and help to do what they ought to do. At the same time, their conscience tells them to read scripture and to pray, etc. But, they claim not to be able to do so. In itself, this should alert onlookers to the fact that the real reason behind the depression is sin. It is Satan’s joy to rob us of our Christian response.

Fellow Christians ought not to pray continually for the depressive, especially not in a sympathetic way, because this does not help. It merely causes the person to think he is legitimately ‘ill’. Rather, the prayer should be for his conscience to take control and for him to repent and turn back to God. Any sympathy for a given situation – such as a death – should, after just a very short while (maybe a few days after the funeral) become support with prayer for a more positive response. 

The person must be encouraged to look outwardly and not inwardly, and to resume responsibility. Others should not continue to ‘take over’ certain tasks, such as shopping, etc, nor should they accept lying in bed for long periods, and so on.  Any emotional outbursts of an aggressive or otherwise sinful nature must be firmly dealt with, but gently, pointing out that it is not God’s way. Thus, the person is led back to a better path, one that does not assist him to remain depressed or to choose depression as a convenient way out of responsibility.

What if the person refuses to come out of the depression? Well, that is a tough one, for it is never easy to put someone aside. However, the Christian must not support a person in his sin. If the ‘sufferer’ refuses to listen on three occasions, then he must be left to his own devices. The rest of the church must then pray for deliverance from his sin, knowing that any one of the congregation could easily succumb to the very same sin. In fact, everyone does succumb at some point in their lives! Thankfully, though, few resolve to make it their life’s choice.

Sadly, a very small number of folk decide that suicide is the best way out of their problems. But, this is not an option for a Christian, either. Indeed, it is a particularly cowardly act, and one that brings disaster upon whole families because they cannot come to terms with what has been done. It is also a very sinful response, not acceptable to God. Christians should not make the mistake of chasing after someone who is suicidal, trying to stop them from taking their own life. 

Sometimes suicide is God’s judgement upon a person for disregarding His commands and way of life. The case of king Saul is an excellent example of how this happens. The reason for this is that onlookers can become so involved in the person’s degenerate lifestyle and depression that they are themselves twisting their own lives inside out to accommodate the sinful responses of another. I have been caught like that on several occasions, and know that my life was not my own, as I tried everything in my power to prevent what was not my concern. I could not live my own life but was drawn in to every sinful scheme of the other person. Finally, I saw my own sin in this and gave up trying to prevent what was really coming from the other person’s sinful heart.

Our response to suicidal attempts must be firm and gentle. The person must learn that ideas of suicide are a warning signal from God. Satan wants the person to die that way, because it is a sin, and because it stops the person from obeying and glorifying God. It can also be a judgement from God for sins unrepented of. Thus, Christians must pray for the person’s repentance, but must not forever chase after him or her. If suicide occurs, there must not be a personal feeling of shame for not ‘doing more’…the shame is upon the one who kills him or her self!

As for Endogenous or so-called ‘psychotic’ depression – this is a wily one! I do not accept the existence of psychoses anyway, but believe them to be the other end of neuroses, sin taken to their limits and beyond. It is usually this kind of depressive who kill themselves, because they have driven themselves into such a mental corner of self-abuse, that they give up on life altogether. 

Any psychosis is the natural end-result of sin left to run riot. To watch a man or woman in a truly acute psychotic state is very revealing as well as frightening, if not sometimes dangerous. But the psychotic depressive tends to turn inward to such a degree as to be almost unreachable, preferring darkness and self-loathing to any help at all. Unfortunately, this is the end of all sinners who reject God and His word, and unless the Lord sees fit to break in to their sinful cycle of life, nothing can be done, or should be done.

This is because the answer is very simple – stop sinning! Lengthy counselling sessions are not the answer. These tend to make matters worse, because they pander to the person’s sense of despair and feeling of being ‘ill’. They also miss the point. God says that when we sin we must repent immediately. Not examine our navels for months on end!

So, friends, be blessed by not entering into depression, or any state that casts aside Christian response. Instead, make every effort to get back to God. Accept that what you are doing is sin and then repent of it. Determine never again to turn inwardly, but to turn to God, for Him to take over your life.

Finally, there are depressive problems associated with physical conditions such as dementia. It should be repeated – these are physical conditions, not mental illnesses. For the person who has, say, dementia, and also depression (common at the start of the condition), drugs may be the only answer. I see this as legitimate. But the majority of depressions do not fall into this category.

In all other cases, the one ‘breaking down’ must be brought back to spiritual reality and shown a better way. Sadly, most are not shown this better way, because Christians have no idea what they are doing. They just hand it all over to humanistic ‘experts’. So, do not judge these people, because you could easily be the next to break down! All it takes is to press the right ‘button’ in your mind and heart and your whole world will fall apart. Yet, if called by God to counsel someone breaking down, help them kindly and draw them back to God with love and tenderness. Once the Holy Spirit steps in, the rest is easy, for then God takes over and the sufferer will be in no doubt that life is far better after all!

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