A number of ‘failed’ counselling cases prompted me to write this article. After quite a few years of ‘counselling’ I came to see I was wrong to use it. I had also used psychotherapy and ‘secular’ counselling, so I had some experience of both ‘secular’ and ‘Christian’ counselling. But it was the times I failed that come to the fore. In one case the failure to reach a satisfactory conclusion took about seven years of intensive counselling. At the end, when a ‘result’ really mattered, the whole case just fell apart, even though the counselee, all along, claimed to be willing to follow Biblical precepts. It is true that her own sinful desires were as much to blame as my use of ‘counselling’, but that is beside the point.

At its most basic we can define Biblical counsel in simple terms, as “Passing on a message from God”. ‘Counselling’, however, is an attempt by one human being to pass on his own wisdom to another human being. Some of these attempts are quite farcical and anti-scripture: ‘non-directive’ counselling is just one example of this, where the counsellee is encouraged to make up his own mind, rather than follow the advice of the counsellor.

 The ‘Four Finger’ Rule

A man who had been a preacher, who had committed adultery many times, received Biblical counsel from me, but in letters, because of his intransigence and his refusal to speak to me.  In those letters I spelled out what his sin was and the need to stop his actions straight away. I pointed out that he had to repent and turn from his ways of evil. When Biblical counsel failed, he simply went to live with his mistress. A very common problem today amongst preachers.

It fell to me to apply the strictures of church discipline, including shunning and casting out from fellowship. It had to be done, because his own church did not do so. (It should be borne in mind that when a man is cast out of fellowship, he may not enter another fellowship until and if he repents. Also, where a local church fails to apply such discipline, any other church may do so, being representative of the whole Body of Christ).

Though I sent several letters, all serious, telling of my Christian love for the fellow, but also of the condemnation that was his, from God, the man did not listen but went ever deeper into his sin. His excuse was that he had now found true happiness with his mistress. He completely ignored God’s own direct warnings from scripture. Such was his depth of sin. He also tried to cover his own sins by charging me with ‘not understanding’ the circumstances.

This ignoring of scriptural commands is rife amongst all who prefer sin to obedience, even amongst preachers, some well-known. They all bleat about special ‘circumstances’ that they believe God will honour and make allowances for! But, scripture does not make allowances, nor does God give special dispensations to His preachers to sin, because of ‘circumstances’. If anything, His condemnation of the sin and of the sinner is even greater, because they ought to know better, and because of all the lives their actions will affect.

With respect for all who plead similar circumstances, I must retort bluntly:

(a) No man or woman is forced to commit adultery (or any other sin)

(b) There is always a point at which ordinary, innocent, man-woman relationships cross over in to flirting and worse. Well before that occurs, the two people have fallen to the wiles of temptation. A Christian who does this, knows he or she is being tempted, but prefers illicit sexual feelings to godly obedience.

(c) Even when that point is reached, the man and the woman have the ability to deny themselves the ‘pleasure’ of illicit feelings and actions

(d) No man or woman is incapable of resisting the feelings that can be aroused – it is a plain lie to insist that one ‘could not help falling in love’ with someone who is not one’s spouse

(e)  Adultery means a process of going deeper and deeper in to a relationship, knowingly, deliberately, and willingly, and rejecting God’s own commands and scriptural teaching, all known to the Christian, but rejected in order to gain adulterous pleasure.

 The man had to be shunned, but he continues to insist that I am being unloving and unkind, and that at last he has found true happiness (though he has had to crush many people on the way to obtain it, as well as commit many public sins). His defence (and the defence of others who I know in the same position) is that “Those who point the finger of condemnation are, at the same time, pointing four fingers back at themselves”!

In other words, to excuse his own continuous, and very public, sins, he points the finger at those who attempt to bring him God’s word of warning. (Thereby, of course, pointing four fingers back at himself!!). He is completely ignoring Biblical counsel, making his own position very dark indeed. However, is his criticism correct? Does the charge of ‘casting the first stone’ apply to myself and to all who counsel? Do we have any right to bring a charge against another?

Sadly, that man is a ‘serial adulterer’ who desires his own ‘happiness’ more than he desires to be right with God. As one who has re-committed the same sin publicly for many years, the man is in a very dangerous position. In the world of selling cars, if a person buys a car in good faith, believing he has the right to buy it, he thinks that he owns that car legitimately. But, the police come along and tell him the car was stolen and was sold illegally. So, they take the car and the man is left with the bill for buying it.

Now, if a stolen car is sold-on many times, and each new owner believes he has bought in good faith and believes he owns what he has bought, and the police find the car after several years, the same rule applies. This is because the very first purchase was invalid - the car was stolen and the thief-seller had no right to sell it. Protestations by the buyer make no difference, because the law is very clear.

The man who commits adultery even once has no rights in marriage. If he marries again, he is automatically an adulterer, even if he does not sleep with his new wife until they marry. If he then divorces his second wife and remarries, he is, again, an adulterer, and he causes his new wife to be an adulterer also. And so on down the line. He can remarry many times, but he remains an adulterer! In God’s eyes, his first divorce and remarriage were invalid, because of his adultery. As the saying goes, ‘he can run but he can’t hide’.

His claim to being happy is also invalid and is of no relevance, for he has put his own sexual desires before the commands of Almighty God. Not only that, but he has brought great shame and pain to all who he has stepped-on and lied to, to obtain his ‘happiness’. Added to this, I recollect that with each new partner (married and unmarried) he has claimed that ‘this is the one’ and that ‘I have not known such happiness’!! To him, ‘happiness’ is simply the newest conquest (so it is not true happiness). We know, from his past behaviour, that he will remain married for a short while, and then go on to commit another act of adultery, ad infinitum, because he has never faced his own blackness of heart and realised his true state before God. (This assumes his saved state, which I doubt. See later note on ‘backsliding’).

The main point in all this, is – to obtain his desires the man has ignored God’s word and has sinned publicly. He has rejected direct Biblical counsel, and, therefore, he must remain cast out of fellowship until, and if, he repents and puts matters right. This means that other Christians must not approach him, but must shun him, whether or not he is loved as a brother, or cousin, or friend, by others. This is because God’s word is more important than a person’s claimed false ‘happiness’. (Happiness is not the same as Christian joy, though joy leads to happiness. Human happiness is merely enjoying what one desires, whether or not it is godly. Joy, and the happiness it leads to, on the other hand, is that state of spirit, heart, and mind, that is totally rested in Christ and in God’s word. Only a Christian can enjoy this state).

This, friends, is the unsatisfactory result after direct Biblical counsel. In an earlier case I spoke of – the lady I counselled for about seven or more years – there was also failure, but because I was counselling her in the usual, human, sense of the word.  The difference is, that in the case above, the man rejected God’s own word. In the case of the lady, she rejected not just God’s word, but also my own human attempts to do what I considered to be reasonable. This latter failure is partly to do with my own use of inappropriate counsel.

Let us now look at the difference between counselling and Biblical counsel. Note that I do not use the term ‘Biblical Counselling’. This ought to reduce the possibility of confusion.

 Counselling

Inevitably, those who are counsellors, in a church or outside the church, and those they counsel, are bound to say that my criticism is unfair and wrong. This is particularly true if their results are perceived to be ‘good’. It would be a mistake for Christians to think that a cessation of ‘symptoms’ is necessarily a ‘good’ result, because many ‘symptoms’ are actually useful in helping ‘sufferers’ to recognise sin in their lives. A large number of secular therapies and counselling theories try to get rid of guilt feelings, thereby robbing God of His legitimate and proper access to the soul.

In the past, I started by using my own ideas – I went on instinct, with one or two texts thrown in for good measure (the lot of many so-called church ‘counsellors’). After that I applied the theories of psychotherapy and counselling learned in psychiatry. Then, not satisfied, I went on to ‘Christian counselling’, using the theories of Jay Adams, etc.

But, then I studied all the major Christian theories of psychologist-counsellors for my MA thesis and concluded that none of them were worthy, even if they did get results of a kind. Today, I rest solely on scripture. It is this last type that I call ‘Biblical counsel’.

I know that a huge number of Christians have read the counselling books written by Jay Adams. Also, many have become Adam-style counsellors, following his techniques to the letter. The work of Adams is just one of the Christian counselling theories. There are associations of Christian counsellors.  And the majority of churches have at least one ‘counsellor’, sometimes as a paid member of the ‘team’ and sometimes because they appear to be the ones most suited to the task.

My concern about Christian counselling is multi-faceted. Wherever there is more than one approach or theory to a topic, we can be sure that there are no fixed or ‘right’ ways. Some are counsellors because they ’like to help people’. Basically, this is nothing but a hobby in disguise! Some are counsellors because, frankly, they are busy-bodies who like to know what is happening in someone else’s life. Some are counsellors because they are fascinated by psychological problems. Some are counsellors because they enjoy dissecting lives and putting them back together again, hopefully in better shape than they were in before the intervention.

Some are counsellors because they thought it might be a good career, in or out of the church. Others like to make an impact on the lives of others. Others want praise for ‘helping’. Really, there are countless reasons why some Christians want to be counsellors. And none of them are legitimate. It does not matter that they are ‘genuine’, or that they really do want to help. It does not even matter if some help out of a desire to see someone’s hurt go away. I say this because I have myself gone through several phases and came to see what is of God, and what is not.

Christian counsellors tend to use scripture, and that is good. They might have a real concern for their fellow believers. This is also good. But, the only reason anyone should counsel another is if they are called to do so specifically by God. And not just as a career or as a permanent thing, but in each and every case. I might be called to counsel someone today, but not tomorrow – and that is when I know I am called by God, generally, to give counsel!

What, then, is the problem with being a Christian counsellor? I can best sum it up like this:

1. God predestinates and elects each to salvation

2. God chooses the gifts each will have

3. God gives each gift for specific reasons, to be used as and when He determines, not as we wish to use them. One of those gifts is wisdom, another is knowledge

4. God plans each life and gives us exact parameters for living, to be obeyed

5. God’s relationship to us is organic and dynamic

6.  Nevertheless, His demands and commands are stable and permanent, never changing

7.  His doctrinal statements are eternal and never-changing

8.  God brings together those who need scriptural counsel, and those He has chosen to give that counsel – and He may not want the same person to counsel everyone

9.  In scripture there are no such people as permanent or career counsellors, and we do not find their activities mentioned anywhere in scripture, except as Hebrew judges

10. No person giving counsel should follow the theories of another Christian, because this is an Arminian activity. It is static and not dynamic. It ‘uses’ the Holy Spirit as an adjunct to counsel, and not as the prime mover.

Remember: “The LORD bringeth the counsel of the heathen to nought: he maketh the devices of the people of none effect.” (Psalm 33:10). But, “The counsel of the LORD standeth for ever…” (Psalm 33:11).

 Christian counselling tends to span a longish period of time and is undertaken in ‘sessions’. Terminology depends on the particular theory being used. The counsellor will be ‘ticking off’ a list he or she will have, containing a set of aims and objectives. There is plenty of room within each system for scriptural texts…but, when all is said and done, each one is a human system. This is not the same as applying the gift of wisdom given by the Holy Spirit. When any part of scripture or Christian life is reduced to a theory or human resources, we can be sure that it is second best.

 Biblical Counsel

Biblical counsel is a stark contrast! It recognises the ten points above and allows God to work through any Christian God chooses to use at the time. At its root, such counsel is God-directed and God-given. The person giving counsel will be called at the time it is needed, to speak to this or that person, or even to a whole group, such as a local church. He or she will give the person or group only what God has to say. Often, this will be a one-off talk. No theories and no sessions.

To give Biblical counsel one has to know scripture and must be open to the actions of the Holy Spirit in his or her life. (We will refer to ‘he’ from this point, for ease of reference). He will not sit down and think out a strategy. He will not be interested in the finer details of the problem. He will concentrate on what God wishes him to concentrate on. What is this?

The important factors are these:

1.  Is the person acting sinfully?

2.  Is the person willing to accept true scriptural counsel? Or is he making excuses?

3.  If he is making excuses, there is no room for counsel and counsel cannot take place. But if he knows he is sinning, counsel can take place

4.  The one called to give counsel will be gifted by God to discern the heart of the matter

 5. He will then be given the words to say. These will include scriptural texts. But even if no specific texts are referred to, he will give the scriptural ‘gist’

6.  He will quickly be able to tell the one needing counsel that he is sinning. He will then quickly give the solution – to stop the sin

7.  If the person rejects or refuses scriptural counsel and makes excuses, that is the end of the activity. We must not force anyone to comply

8.   If the person complies, he will repent and turn back from his sin. This must be immediate

9.   In essence then, the one given counsel can be dealt with in one period of time, because God allows the one giving counsel to discern the cause of the problem, and to give the solution.

10.  The solution is always the same – stop the sin and repent. After that, the person must live a holy life and obey the Lord.

 Can you see the difference between Biblical counsel and Christian counselling? It is as different as chalk and cheese. You will notice that I am not giving you a list of ‘what to do’. Once I give such a list, someone else will use it as a theory! My task is simple – to tell other Christians that they may not counsel from theories. They may only counsel if God calls them to do so, in each and every case. They will give the person only what God says in His word.

 What About Results?

As I have said elsewhere, I was very good at manipulating people into doing exactly what I wanted them to do. I did it because I wanted to see changes for the better. This, however, is not Biblical counsel, so I stopped doing it. Many Christian ministries use manipulation to elicit money and support. It is very easy to do, believe me! But it is not scriptural. And many Christians use forms of manipulation to ‘counsel’ people, by guiding the mind along a predetermined track of human thinking, until everything converges on the one result they require.

The difference with Biblical counsel is startling, because the one giving counsel should not be concerned with end results. This might sound very odd. Surely the desired result is to turn back from sin and to again be holy. Yes, that is the desire of the one giving counsel, but it may not be what really happens. When counsel has been given, the one giving counsel leaves it there. He will tell the person he has been talking to that he expects him to comply with scripture. He will also add that if he does not comply, then he will continue in sin, and possibly incur God’s wrath at some point. Then, he will leave the matter.

He will leave it, because unless he wishes to manipulate the person into accepting a set of requirements, he has no option. He can only pray to the Lord that the person will comply.

Remember – the person must:

1.  Comply with God’s word, not with yours

2.  He must realise he has sinned because (a) you have told him so from scripture, and (b) he inwardly discerns that he has sinned, because the Holy Spirit has told him

3.  He must repent because the Holy Spirit leads him to do so, and not because you say he must

4.  You must not wait until he prays or repents (unless the Spirit explicitly tells you to). The time and way he repents will be entirely up to the Lord, not you

5.  He may, or may not, comply and turn back to God. Either way, it is not your concern, though it may be to your consternation

6.  You may not ‘revisit’ the situation, unless the Lord specifically burdens you to do so. Otherwise, you must leave the matter with the one you have counselled

7.  God does not always counsel to get a ‘good’ result. He can also counsel as a stumblingblock, so that the person is judged guilty. In such cases, you will counsel not

 for a good result, but in obedience to the Lord as one who brings judgement. Examples are Nathan before David, Samuel before Saul, Paul before Peter, and so on.

 It is a part of our humanity to want to see good coming out of a bad situation. It is our desire to see a fellow Christian repent and turn back to God, for his own spiritual welfare. But, we cannot dictate to them how they must turn. We may only repeat what God says in His word and leave the rest up to the Holy Spirit. Once we repeat ourselves and keep on, we are using human technique and human methods. The other person must change because he wants to, after being spoken to inwardly by the Holy Spirit. Your counsel might be the catalyst, but it is not the result-getter.

I do not think we should enlarge on this topic, at least not in this article, because all that needs to be said has been said. As you can see, I have avoided giving a list of what to do, so that you do not think you can apply any kind of technique. Just remember – you tell the person what God says and that you expect compliance to His word, not yours. When you do that, you will be pointing the finger of God, not your own. Therefore, you will not be having the other four fingers pointing back at yourself! It is in God’s word and strength, not our own! The one giving counsel is not better than the one receiving counsel, and at any time he might need to receive counsel himself. That is the way we ought to live with each other, in truth and in love, as described in scripture.

 Final Note

Since giving Biblical counsel to fellow Christians I have noted, with dismay, that most of them do not wish to put their faith into action. Instead, they prefer their misery and wrongness to acting out true scriptural principles of living. Many do not wish to enter in to a protracted time of obedience and growing righteousness. No, they want to have an instant cure for their discomfort, without doing anything radical about it, and without the bother of repentance and holy living.

On occasions I refuse to give Biblical counsel when requested to offer assistance. This is because the Spirit tells my spirit not to bother – there is a lack of intent to change one’s spiritual dilemma and so any counsel would be wasted. Biblical counsel involves radical, swift judgement and response. If these do not occur, then counsel is deemed to be to no avail.

I have also noted that those who suffer and wish for a cure, prefer not to act out what the counsel proposes. This is because each wants to enact his or her own answers, even if these contradict God and His word. “They soon forgot his works; they waited not his counsel.” (Psalm 106:13). Why? “Because they rebelled against the words of God, and contemned the counsel of the most High.” (Psalm 107:11).

When I say that most of the counsel given is treated in this personalised and sinful way, I am not exaggerating. It goes to show just how serious people are to obey God! The scenario ought to be – when God appoints a helper to counsel another, then the person being helped should immediately repent and change his or her life, as an act of obedience to God. This rarely happens, for the person wants human counselling and not God’s own answers, which demand an instant response. This is because “Counsel (is) mine, and sound wisdom: I (am) understanding; I have strength.” (Proverbs 8:14). “The way of a fool (is) right in his own eyes: but he that hearkeneth unto counsel (is) wise.” (Proverbs 12:15).

 This article is a general guide. Read these notes again and put the advice to good use. For the pastor it will remove all those hours lost to him by sleepless nights and guilty feelings, because he thinks he ‘must’ enter in to counselling. It will remove the guilt of seeing so many counselled folk going their own ways, ignoring God’s judgements. And it will prevent those being counselled from accusing the pastor of ‘pointing the finger’. Just give them God’s own words and leave the rest to the Holy Spirit.

 Addendum

I think it is pertinent to describe the difference between two types of ‘backslider’ (a term common to most churches, but lacking in Biblical credibility. It is a term used here because it is used so many times in churches).

Hebrews chapter 6 tells us that a Christian cannot backslide. “It is impossible. For those who were once enlightened, and have tasted of the heavenly gift…(for them to) fall away.” If they did, they would put Jesus Christ to an “open shame” (verses 4 – 6). But, you might say, it is obvious that many Christians ‘backslide’. Let me explain something that perhaps many will find unacceptable…

A ‘backslider’, in normal parlance, is one who professes Christ but, at some time, slides backward into sin. He (or she) begins to slow down on church attendance, stops praying and reading scripture, avoids Christian contact, expresses no real interest in repentance or in God, and generally becomes worse than he was before his professed salvation. My friends, this man is not a Christian, according to Hebrews 6.

No doubt this will put many readers into a nose-dive, for they have believed that the ‘backslider’ they have prayed over for so long was truly a saved person, but needed prayer and help to return to Christ. No, one who ‘backslides’ was never a Christian in the first place.

Yes, a genuine Christian can slide back into unsavoury ways or into this or that sin. He might even slip back into the world for a season. But, it is “impossible…to fall away”! His actions might even mimic those of the unsaved ‘backslider’ but the big difference is, his soul will experience torment and distress. Inwardly, even if he shows bravado outwardly, he is crying to God for mercy and help. His belief in God remains untouched and he will know periods of repentance, even if he is to weak to resist temptation. His slide downward is for a season.

What should a Christian do, if he does not know which of the two types the person is? That is very simple. In scripture we are told to go through the steps of discipline. The person must repent and return to God immediately. If, after three rebukes and times of encouragement (as shown in scripture) the person refuses to regain what he professes, then he must be cast out of fellowship and shunned. This must happen whether the offender is a genuine Christian or not.

We are told to treat the offending Christian as an unbeliever for purposes of discipline, so it does not make much difference if we know for sure if he is saved or not. The unbeliever whose faith was merely a transitory and false experience will remain fallen. The saved person will respond at some time and return to God, repentant and changed.

So, when giving counsel, if the ‘backslidden’ man before you rejects your counsel, you must advise him that only God knows his heart, but that you must apply church discipline. He must then be cast out of fellowship and shunned, even if you suspect he might really be saved. Yes, you must pray for that man in later days, but he must be treated as an unbeliever, otherwise the seriousness of his position will not be driven home.

Once you have given counsel your immediate task is done and you need not repeat rebuke or any other counsel. It is then up to the man and God to take the next step. You may pray for the man’s return, but not at the expense of God’s truth, and not at the expense of your own mental, emotional and spiritual well-being.

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